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Knightfall
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PostSubject: Death Metal discussion   Fri Jul 17, 2009 7:37 am

Here you can discuss everything from your favorite Death Metal band, album, song, vocalist, style, to what you think of the genre and where it's going.

I'll start off, I guess. Death Metal is my favorite genre of music. My favorite Death Metal band is also my favorite band, Nile, my favorite Death Metal album is Amongst the Catacombs of Nephren-Ka by Nile, favorite Death Metal song is Unas Slayer of the Gods by Nile, favorite DM vocalists are Karl Sanders and Gorod's vocalist (can't recall his name at the moment), favorite style of Death Metal is Technical.

So, Death Metal, discuss it.

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Last edited by Knightfall on Tue Sep 01, 2009 1:10 pm; edited 2 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Death Metal discussion   Sat Jul 18, 2009 6:59 pm

This discussion is lacking discussion....

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Kerberos
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PostSubject: Re: Death Metal discussion   Sat Jul 18, 2009 7:06 pm

Hint taken.
A breif history of Death metal:

The roots of Death metal can traced back to 2000 BC when the Anasazi discovered a new emotion: Rage. The Anasazi did not know how to express this feeling, so they kept it bottled up until one day an Anasazi man named Ch'thzhlu'tu (Pronounced tom) lost his temper and hit his best friend Ch'lith Zhu (Pronounced Warble) over the head with a rock. This sound helped relive Ch'thzhlu'tu's rage, so he did it again. Soon, hitting Ch'lith Zhu with a rock became a common way to release rage. But one day Ch'lith Zhu had been beaten so badly that he was just a smear on the ground, so the Anasazi had to hit something else. They made small statues resembling Ch'lith Zhu to hit. These statues became known as Drums. Soon the Anasazi found that drums were not enough, so they added downtuned guitars, basses and incoherent shouting to the sound. However, it wasn't until Cookie Monster in his band Cannibal Cookies that death metal found their trademark vocal style.

Other sources suggest death metal was formed from a over cooked fruit bat that escaped from a George Foreman grill. Ozzy Osbourne then bit the head off the bat and spewed blood over a guitar amp. This caused a paradox in time, merging death with metal.

Listening to this type of music usually induces brain hemorrhaging, which leads to bleeding of the ears. Bleeding ears in the Death Metal culture is highly fashionable, which means ears must be bleeding at all times. This shows that you listen to the loud, gravelly buzz noise that is Death metal and are therefore cooler than everyone. It could also mean that you took too many drugs. Other symptoms include: having a neck larger than your head, bloody diarrhea from constant exposure to deadly bass lines, moshpititus, and ironically, death.

One of the confusing things for many Death Metal bands is that they are always being told by adoring fans that they are 'sick'. "Dude, that is sick." "Dude, you're sick." "Sick performance." "That's a sick riff." "Sick vokills man." Countless hours in emergency rooms and doctors' offices has not given Death Metal bands the answer they need: namely, why am I always so 'sick'? Researchers in Norway, Antartica and other Death Metal hotbeds have spent decades analyzing microscopic bacteria found in the body hair and beards of many Death Metal band members. Dr. DeRay DeVorkian, clinical researcher at the University of Norway believes he may have pinpointed the cause of the universal 'sick'ness found in many Death Metal bands. DeVorkian writes, "My team of researchers believes that the microscopic bacterium known as Metallus Morbidus may be behind the maladies so prevalent in the Death Metal community. We recommend that all Death Metal bands be innoculized at least once a year against this bacteria."

As most metal sounds the same most people cannot tell the difference unless they have spent years blowing their ears out and getting depressed. However there are common characteristics of all death metal that may assist in identifying a death metal band. While to the untrained ear, all Death Metal songs go like this: chuggachuggachugga hurghhh hurggghhh hurrggghhh chuggachuggachuggachuggachugga... those trained in the higher art known as Deathus Metalus (its Latin root), know the following:

Vocals If greater than 6.66% of the vocals are comprehensible it is unlikely that you are listening to death metal.

Lyrics If you are able to find a lyrics sheet then lyrics dealing with bodily functions, bodily fluids and mutilating corpses are a good sign of a death metal band.
If you can find words dealing with love, there's a slight chance that maybe you are not listening to death metal (note - in most places necrophilia isn't an accepted love expression).
Words that start with "D-E-A" usually work too. These words include Deam, Deat, Deant, Deal, Deavour, and of course..the most important word in the DEATH metal vocabulary, Deanonospriticlonactioucaucus.

Guitar and Bass Usually there is no differentiation between guitar and bass, they all just play.
The two approaches to creating the most chaotic sound are playing painfully non-melodic passages together or all players playing randomly. This approach is not utilized in any other form of music.

Drums Death Metal drummers often hit the same drum many times in a very short time period. As a result death metal drumming sounds like they are simply trying to annoy the guitar players and/or are falling down a set of stairs. Hitting a wall with a hammer as fast as u can is called alternative death metal drumming.

Usually music has elements such as tempo, melody, harmony, and structure. However death metal is absent of these elements. Because of this death metal is often mistaken/declared as noise... or noisecore... or brutal noisecore... or technical noisecore.

Albums that have cartoons that have dead zombies dressed as doctors with their hands inside a female corpse thats torso is ripped in half, with corpses of babies hung by their umbilical cords in the background is a near certain indicator of a death metal band. (Or simply an image of Buddy Holly can qualify as a death metal album)

While early death metal, circa 17th century stuck around tempos of 50-60 bpm with a dub reggae groove on the kick drum, death metal of today can start at 300 bpm and upwards to 30,303 bpm as set in the death metal hall of fame by Origin. Members of Beneath The Massacre have been quoted as saying anything below 500 bpm just isn't death metal anymore, and should be classified as Hardstyle trance music as is said to make listeners want to jump standing on one leg for extended periods of time. Inferno from Behemoth plays so fast he actually metamorphosizes into a modern iconoclast of Baphomet while playing live.

It is also well known that a good Death Metal album is called a "slab" while a shitty one is called "deathcore".

Musical ability in death metal isn't as important as the ability to play whilst windmilling one's hair at 500 RPM.

People want to listen to death metal because they are insane, retarded or, or because the great deity they worship known as Satan demands it, or when a man is insecure about his sexual inclination, listening to death metal will immediately make that man irreversibly heterosexual.

Death Metal is also a way to appease sadistic psychos, metalheads and insecure "manly men", however, exposing these people to too much death metal will make them go on a rampage where they will rape and kill your children, then sacrifice their souls to Satan. Known killers that listen to death metal are the Columbine murderers, the 'Virginia Chink', George W. Bush, Doel López, that one Cuban bloke, and every single killer in human history. Scientists are currently working on an experiment that will probably prove the fact that animals that kill also listen to death metal.

The younger generation who claim to listen to the said type of music, are normally poseurs; people who try their best to gain friends of their kind. But of course they should know, listening to Death Metal is cool, which leads back to the point.

The older generation however, consists of fat, hairy, balding, biker men. They usually walk around in lots of leather, and carry bottles of liquor in brown paper bags with them everywhere they go. Some of them wear bandanas, not to be confused with bananas or the duodenum. These such people walk around in packs, grunting when spoken to and spitting when speaking to. Their language is a jumble of 'Eurrs', 'Yrrs' and 'Oiis'. To make it easier to imagine, think of a drunken pirate.

Anyone to confuse Goths or Emos with Metalheads should think twice before addressing a true metalhead as such. Ever had a your gonads smashed by a ball-pin hammer? (quote from Cattle Decapitation's Testicular Manslaughter!) I think not!!

A Death Metallers only weakness is a haircut. This is due to them being descended from such legendary long-haired warriors as Samson, Thor and Fabio.

Those who decide to persue the art of Death Metal (or 'stabbing the badger') may decide to go beyond the outer regions of their local guitar store and into the back room, in order to meet with satan himself (or Matt Heafy) and purchase a 7-string guitar. This, as many Metal heads, Goths and Madonna fans will know, is the source of all True Death Metal Ability. It is written that World War II began when Hitler was given a 7-string for his 16th birthday.

It is widely believed that all death metallers are homocidal maniacs. The truth is that death metal is such a good outlet for anger that people who listen to it invariably become the nicest people in the world. And they can still write songs about ripping peoples guts out.

Clean death metal is just like 'Death Metal' but they also sing and play about cleaning up after massacring people with ice picks and hammers, Such Lyrics like "RIP YOUR GUTS OUT THEN EXTREME CLEANING WITH MY THROUGHLY AJAXS SOAKED CLOTHHHH!!!" This genre came out so people who like death metal are warned of the Effects of AIDS and salmonella whilst killing people.

Clean Metal is also likes to sing about how to clean other things like the family car and the dog Such songs as 'Brutal Disenfectioning the Scab' By Brutal Disinfection.

Popular Death Metal Acts:
Prostitute Disfigurement
Cattle Decapitation
Torsofuck
Guttural Secrete
Goreinhaled
Cannibal Corpse
Creedence Clearwater Revival

Thanks to uncyclopedia, the content free encyclopedia for providing this information.
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Knightfall
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PostSubject: Re: Death Metal discussion   Sat Jul 18, 2009 7:14 pm

Shocked .............I had no idea Death Metal went all the way back to 2000 BC, I had no idea cavemen had such good taste

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PostSubject: Re: Death Metal discussion   Sat Jul 18, 2009 7:17 pm

Yeah, neither did I. Thank god for http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Main_Page

Its taught me so much. Very Happy


Last edited by Kerberos on Sat Jul 18, 2009 7:19 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : DO I NEED A GODDAMN REASON?!)
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PostSubject: Re: Death Metal discussion   Sat Jul 18, 2009 7:25 pm

What would we ever do without it?

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PostSubject: Re: Death Metal discussion   Sat Jul 18, 2009 7:33 pm

Drown in a sea of ignorance.
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PostSubject: Re: Death Metal discussion   Mon Jul 20, 2009 10:20 pm

Or resort to encyclopediadramatica.com.

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PostSubject: Re: Death Metal discussion   Tue Jul 21, 2009 2:29 am

Blackwater-RiD wrote:
Or resort to encyclopediadramatica.com.

A fate worse than death.
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PostSubject: Re: Death Metal discussion   Tue Jul 21, 2009 6:28 am

I choose death

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PerYngveOhlin
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PostSubject: Re: Death Metal discussion   Thu Jul 30, 2009 4:17 am

I choose Death too. The band, that is. I put it to you, gentlemen, Death and Deicide are the two greatest death metal bands ever.
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PostSubject: Re: Death Metal discussion   Tue Sep 01, 2009 12:14 am

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PostSubject: Re: Death Metal discussion   Tue Sep 01, 2009 12:19 am

Haha, I hope they are right. That is pretty fucking awesome.
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PostSubject: Re: Death Metal discussion   Tue Sep 01, 2009 12:25 am

Bad press for the genre, but meh.
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PostSubject: Re: Death Metal discussion   Tue Sep 01, 2009 12:28 am

True, but fucking funny. And who gives a shit about bad press? It keeps both the posers and the homosexuals away.
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PostSubject: Re: Death Metal discussion   Tue Sep 01, 2009 12:31 am

True, I hadnt considered that.
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PostSubject: Re: Death Metal discussion   Tue Sep 01, 2009 4:37 am

No, it draws them in.

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PostSubject: Re: Death Metal discussion   Tue Sep 01, 2009 1:01 pm

Itd be more of the first; people would think theyd become serial killers or whatever and would avoid metal, others would thinks thats cool and would be drawn in, however they wouldnt be in the majority.

On a related note, how many of you watched the video?
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PostSubject: Re: Death Metal discussion   Tue Sep 01, 2009 1:13 pm

I will give that guy one thing, he's got great taste in music, Cattle Decapitation is an excellent band

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PostSubject: Re: Death Metal discussion   Tue Sep 01, 2009 1:17 pm

Knightfall, did you watch the accompanying video?
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PostSubject: Re: Death Metal discussion   Tue Sep 01, 2009 1:24 pm

Wasn't able to

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PostSubject: Re: Death Metal discussion   Tue Sep 01, 2009 1:26 pm

Those people are fucking stupid. 'Now I find out, basically, me and my customers have been eating people' NO! NO YOU HAVE NOT! Fuck these people are stupid and need to learn how biology works. The people decomposed. the nutrients from the flesh of the people entered the soil. The plants used those nutrients to grow. There is absolutely nothing human about the vegetables grown in that garden. I fucking hate people.
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PostSubject: Re: Death Metal discussion   Tue Sep 01, 2009 10:05 pm

Well, its a promotional hoax. About a minute and a half into the video the music video for the song "Body Farm" kicks in.
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PostSubject: Re: Death Metal discussion   Tue Sep 01, 2009 11:42 pm

So it isn't true? Fuck this is the worst news I've heard since I found that Legion is no longer physically fit. He has become a terrible male role model.
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PostSubject: Re: Death Metal discussion   Wed Sep 02, 2009 12:17 am

Im sorry, but it isnt true. Though feel free to make it true, if you wish.
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